Nothing in your life ever prepares you for the death of a parent. I know it's the natural order of things, but still, when it comes down to the brass tacks, you are left alone....despondent, and incredibly sad. So Sad, in fact, that there isn't a word to describe the emptiness in your heart that fills up with memories and sadness. Intensified by the fact that my momma was such a bright light in this world, not perfect, but wonderful and loving, and Strong, she left us on February 23, of this year.
I originally started this blog to prove to myself that I could dedicate some time each day to sitting down and writing. I've always thought that I would enjoy writing, but have never taken the time to try it. So, since I've dealt with cancer, and am sitting at home disabled, I've obviously got the time, but I'm more or less testing the dedication. I hope to fill it with stories of our lives that someday may turn into a movie, or maybe nothing other than posterity. Again I ask your forgiveness as I jump from subject to subject, and not necessarily in the correct order, but as they come to mind.
Many of you that know me, know that I am constantly on the lookout for the "perfect" paradise to make my home. Mom and I began looking back in the early '90's, and it has become the norm since then. The house, ideally, should have at least 3 bedrooms and 3 baths, at least a 2 car garage, a large kitchen, a decent-sized fenced yard, a swimming pool, guest house, and all for less than $100,000. Now as you all laugh, I have found that very specific combination several times, but there was always just that little something that said NO! For instance, if all of the neighbors have bars on their windows... that's a bad neighborhood. Or, if the neighbors have all parked their cars up in the front lawn, I think you get the picture. So, I continue to look, and look, and look..... I'm not terribly particular as to where it's located.... preferably someplace warm, but not too hot, but definately not like North Dakota where they get 10 feet of snow and it lingers until May. I spent most of my life in Missouri, where the weather changes...often..., but it seems lately that the winters get colder and the summers, hotter, and my body, older.... I'm not really fond of the "ranch" styled homes, but the "all on one level" floorplan has it's appeal. So the search continues.
I had to visit a cardiologist on Wednesday. He scheduled a stress test for me on the 31st. The last time I did a stress test was right before my colon cancer surgery and it was not pleasant. I had to walk on a treadmill while they increased the incline and resistance. This time the doctor said we will do the test pharmacologically, meaning they will use drugs to simulate the stress. If this test doesn't show anything, he said he would schedule an angioplasty, meaning they will insert a camera into either a vein or artery, and peek at what's inside.
Well, since dad has had a heart attack, and his dad had heart problems, and mom's dad died from a heart attack, and her mom a stroke, it's in the family tree that my brother and I will probably have heart problems. It doesn't help that we are both overweight, and probably eat things other than sticks and skim milk.
It seems that lunch is calling my name, so until next time......
No comments:
Post a Comment