Is Carmen San Diego, Camelot, Avalon, Shangri-La, Xanadu.... you know, the "perfect" place to live?
One thing that amazes me when I'm perusing through ads on realtor.com is how some of the salespeople choose to highlight different features of a property. If you don't believe me, go ahead and go check.... go ahead, I'll wait. Anyway, most ads have 4 pictures. The first picture should ALWAYS, (read ALWAYS), be the front of the dwelling, also known as the entrance, or the street view. Then you can get creative with something special that the property offers. One of the pictures should be the kitchen. Whether it is a selling point or not, it will inform the prospective buyers whether they love it or will need to remodel. It's better knowing that up front...period. I like seeing the back or side yard, as well. I enjoy spending time outside, and want to know if it looks inviting or needs to be landscaped. Too often the person doing the photography takes a picture of each bedroom.... yeah, most bedrooms look similar.... and there seems to always be a picture of the toilet??? I know that the bathroom is a big selling point as well, and a lot of folks like to have that remodeled as well, but, come on... a commode is a commode.... It's also especially annoying when we have to wait for music, or ads, or a particular template has to load and slows us down even more.
I think that some realtors try to showcase the current owners "collection" of goodies that they collected throught their time in the house. Most realtors know that the emptier the house is, the faster it sells. And, if the current owners have a wall of family photos, those should be out of sight as well.... we, the prospective buyers, need to picture ourselves and our families in the home, not the previous owners.... So Get With It! One last gripe is how now-a-days everyone has to be pre-qualified before they will even show you a house. I understand why, because I have a Broker's License, too, but to me it's like going to the grocery store and having to show the contents of your wallet before being allowed to shop. How long do you all think that would last?
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Zoinks!?!
Is an exclamation used by Shaggy, from Scooby Doo, to express surprise, either good or bad. I've not heard it used by anyone in everyday conversation, but there are several phrases that I often borrow from cartoons. For instance, Winnie the Pooh would say he had a rumbly in his tumbly, meaning he was either hungry or had a stomach ache... Since having colon surgery, I have quite a few rumblies in my tumbly. And there used to be a cartoon where they were constantly chasing a pidgeon, I've forgotton the name, but I think Paul Winchell was the voice of the villian. Anyway, the villian had a dog, named something like Mumbly or Grumbly that would grit his teeth while repeating, "Rassa-Frassa!" when he didn't get his way. And Steve uses that one, occasionally.
I was just checking in some of my medical supplies and found a reason to say, "Rassa-Frassa!" I've been having a problem for a while now, and we cannot seem to come together on a solution. Medicare pays for them, and I don't have any extra money for them, so I'm kinda at the mercy of what they send. However, they changed they way they make them not too long ago, and now whatever adhesive they used to secure the velcro, does not stand up to washing.... Oh yeah, for those of you who didn't know, they force us to rinse our excrement from these bags and reuse them. I don't even reuse baggies, so this was quite a shock to my otherwise indelicate system. They give us 10 bags per month, with the idea that each bag should last 3 days. They sometimes have to be changed 3 or 4 times per day, so that's a lot of changing. I'm sorry for the unappetizing subject matter, so let's move on....
Back to the subject of cartoons.... since I am disabled and sit home most days, I talk to my 3 cats and dog in cartoon voices. I read somewhere that animals responded to higher pitched sounds that vary in tone, hence the cartoon-like voices. Then when Steve gets home from work, I talk his arms & legs off just to be able to talk in my normal voice, and to hear someone answer.
There's been a lot of hubbub in the news recently about Bert & Ernie from Sesame Street, being gay. I believe a petition was circulated and presented to the Children's Television Workshop suggesting that Bert & Ernie come out as gay characters to teach children about tolerance. They denied, (of course), saying that the 2 iconic Sesame Street veterans are "Best Friends", as best friends sometimes live together, too.
I was born in 1965, and Sesame Street came on the television in 1969, so I was a prime candidate, and admit to enjoying the show as a kid. I will also admit that I outgrew it quite soon. It was too simplistic, and seemed to be aimed at younger kids. Of course in the late 1960's we kids did not know what "gay" meant, nor cared, but in today's world, almost everyone knows someone who is gay, and I think teaching tolerance to children is also an important lesson....and what better way to teach it than with 2 well-loved, well-known, Sesame Street veterans that everyone, over the age of 10, thinks are gay anyway?
Too bad we don't have some way to teach "Tolerance" to their parents......
I was just checking in some of my medical supplies and found a reason to say, "Rassa-Frassa!" I've been having a problem for a while now, and we cannot seem to come together on a solution. Medicare pays for them, and I don't have any extra money for them, so I'm kinda at the mercy of what they send. However, they changed they way they make them not too long ago, and now whatever adhesive they used to secure the velcro, does not stand up to washing.... Oh yeah, for those of you who didn't know, they force us to rinse our excrement from these bags and reuse them. I don't even reuse baggies, so this was quite a shock to my otherwise indelicate system. They give us 10 bags per month, with the idea that each bag should last 3 days. They sometimes have to be changed 3 or 4 times per day, so that's a lot of changing. I'm sorry for the unappetizing subject matter, so let's move on....
Back to the subject of cartoons.... since I am disabled and sit home most days, I talk to my 3 cats and dog in cartoon voices. I read somewhere that animals responded to higher pitched sounds that vary in tone, hence the cartoon-like voices. Then when Steve gets home from work, I talk his arms & legs off just to be able to talk in my normal voice, and to hear someone answer.
There's been a lot of hubbub in the news recently about Bert & Ernie from Sesame Street, being gay. I believe a petition was circulated and presented to the Children's Television Workshop suggesting that Bert & Ernie come out as gay characters to teach children about tolerance. They denied, (of course), saying that the 2 iconic Sesame Street veterans are "Best Friends", as best friends sometimes live together, too.
I was born in 1965, and Sesame Street came on the television in 1969, so I was a prime candidate, and admit to enjoying the show as a kid. I will also admit that I outgrew it quite soon. It was too simplistic, and seemed to be aimed at younger kids. Of course in the late 1960's we kids did not know what "gay" meant, nor cared, but in today's world, almost everyone knows someone who is gay, and I think teaching tolerance to children is also an important lesson....and what better way to teach it than with 2 well-loved, well-known, Sesame Street veterans that everyone, over the age of 10, thinks are gay anyway?
Too bad we don't have some way to teach "Tolerance" to their parents......
Friday, August 19, 2011
Long Ago And Far Away
It's Friday.... hip, hip hooray (thought sarcastically). One of my least favorite yet necessary things to do has been cleaning out my mom's house so that it can be sold. Normally this wouldn't be such a burden, but we saved everything, while adding more in hopes of finding that "perfect" homestead aforementioned. So, that means it's like somebody's normal house full of goodies, minus the collection of butter bowls, aluminum pie pans, and bread wrappers, and instead add in a balloon blowing clown head, chandeliers from Union Station, and autographed pictures from the likes of Joan Jett and others.... Now many people would think... "Oooh, cool!", but for a person whose lived the life, sitting down and sorting becomes a rehashing of where it came from, how much it costs, and worse yet, the conversation that me and mom had while obtaining it. In other words, a day full of crying, made worse yet by having someone rush you that doesn't have the emotional connection that you do.
So, try cramming 3 lifetimes worth of junque into an 1800 square foot house. I currently have 4 china cabinets in my dining room besides a buffet, and table and chairs. This week I've been working to get my great-grandmother's Jewel Tea collection out of the boxes and into the cabinets. It takes up 3 of the cabinets. The 4th holds my mom's "Red, White, and Blue" collection of dishes. It's kind of a mixture of Wedgwood, Blue Willow, and red transferware, along with bits and pieces from my restaurant dishes. We shuffled all of the everyday dishes into a cupboard that my dad made, in the hallway directly off the kitchen, and filled the 1920's kitchen cupboards with my Fiestaware. The cabinets are painted white, so they really show off the colors of the Fiesta.
There are 2 complete sets of Franciscan packed away for Steve's niece and nephew, for when they get old enough to need it. There's a partial set of Rookwood that mom and I were collecting, but they are so expensive and evidently rare that I don't know if I will find it all in my lifetime. Mom liked it because it is white with little blue ships circling 'round the rims. I like it because it's Rookwood. After I get it all arranged, maybe I'll learn how to add pictures to this blog.
I hadn't intended for this to be the dish dialogue, but it seems that's where it went. So now you know... we collect dishes, and directly prior to being disabled, I managed an antique mall. It was not glamourous, but it paid the bills, and I got to shop on the job, and work with a friendly bunch of people. I've also catered, owned 2 restaurants, been a retail manager, a photographer, and worked at 6 Flags....long, long ago, and far, far away......
So, try cramming 3 lifetimes worth of junque into an 1800 square foot house. I currently have 4 china cabinets in my dining room besides a buffet, and table and chairs. This week I've been working to get my great-grandmother's Jewel Tea collection out of the boxes and into the cabinets. It takes up 3 of the cabinets. The 4th holds my mom's "Red, White, and Blue" collection of dishes. It's kind of a mixture of Wedgwood, Blue Willow, and red transferware, along with bits and pieces from my restaurant dishes. We shuffled all of the everyday dishes into a cupboard that my dad made, in the hallway directly off the kitchen, and filled the 1920's kitchen cupboards with my Fiestaware. The cabinets are painted white, so they really show off the colors of the Fiesta.
There are 2 complete sets of Franciscan packed away for Steve's niece and nephew, for when they get old enough to need it. There's a partial set of Rookwood that mom and I were collecting, but they are so expensive and evidently rare that I don't know if I will find it all in my lifetime. Mom liked it because it is white with little blue ships circling 'round the rims. I like it because it's Rookwood. After I get it all arranged, maybe I'll learn how to add pictures to this blog.
I hadn't intended for this to be the dish dialogue, but it seems that's where it went. So now you know... we collect dishes, and directly prior to being disabled, I managed an antique mall. It was not glamourous, but it paid the bills, and I got to shop on the job, and work with a friendly bunch of people. I've also catered, owned 2 restaurants, been a retail manager, a photographer, and worked at 6 Flags....long, long ago, and far, far away......
Thursday, August 18, 2011
My heart's just not in it!
Nothing in your life ever prepares you for the death of a parent. I know it's the natural order of things, but still, when it comes down to the brass tacks, you are left alone....despondent, and incredibly sad. So Sad, in fact, that there isn't a word to describe the emptiness in your heart that fills up with memories and sadness. Intensified by the fact that my momma was such a bright light in this world, not perfect, but wonderful and loving, and Strong, she left us on February 23, of this year.
I originally started this blog to prove to myself that I could dedicate some time each day to sitting down and writing. I've always thought that I would enjoy writing, but have never taken the time to try it. So, since I've dealt with cancer, and am sitting at home disabled, I've obviously got the time, but I'm more or less testing the dedication. I hope to fill it with stories of our lives that someday may turn into a movie, or maybe nothing other than posterity. Again I ask your forgiveness as I jump from subject to subject, and not necessarily in the correct order, but as they come to mind.
Many of you that know me, know that I am constantly on the lookout for the "perfect" paradise to make my home. Mom and I began looking back in the early '90's, and it has become the norm since then. The house, ideally, should have at least 3 bedrooms and 3 baths, at least a 2 car garage, a large kitchen, a decent-sized fenced yard, a swimming pool, guest house, and all for less than $100,000. Now as you all laugh, I have found that very specific combination several times, but there was always just that little something that said NO! For instance, if all of the neighbors have bars on their windows... that's a bad neighborhood. Or, if the neighbors have all parked their cars up in the front lawn, I think you get the picture. So, I continue to look, and look, and look..... I'm not terribly particular as to where it's located.... preferably someplace warm, but not too hot, but definately not like North Dakota where they get 10 feet of snow and it lingers until May. I spent most of my life in Missouri, where the weather changes...often..., but it seems lately that the winters get colder and the summers, hotter, and my body, older.... I'm not really fond of the "ranch" styled homes, but the "all on one level" floorplan has it's appeal. So the search continues.
I had to visit a cardiologist on Wednesday. He scheduled a stress test for me on the 31st. The last time I did a stress test was right before my colon cancer surgery and it was not pleasant. I had to walk on a treadmill while they increased the incline and resistance. This time the doctor said we will do the test pharmacologically, meaning they will use drugs to simulate the stress. If this test doesn't show anything, he said he would schedule an angioplasty, meaning they will insert a camera into either a vein or artery, and peek at what's inside.
Well, since dad has had a heart attack, and his dad had heart problems, and mom's dad died from a heart attack, and her mom a stroke, it's in the family tree that my brother and I will probably have heart problems. It doesn't help that we are both overweight, and probably eat things other than sticks and skim milk.
It seems that lunch is calling my name, so until next time......
I originally started this blog to prove to myself that I could dedicate some time each day to sitting down and writing. I've always thought that I would enjoy writing, but have never taken the time to try it. So, since I've dealt with cancer, and am sitting at home disabled, I've obviously got the time, but I'm more or less testing the dedication. I hope to fill it with stories of our lives that someday may turn into a movie, or maybe nothing other than posterity. Again I ask your forgiveness as I jump from subject to subject, and not necessarily in the correct order, but as they come to mind.
Many of you that know me, know that I am constantly on the lookout for the "perfect" paradise to make my home. Mom and I began looking back in the early '90's, and it has become the norm since then. The house, ideally, should have at least 3 bedrooms and 3 baths, at least a 2 car garage, a large kitchen, a decent-sized fenced yard, a swimming pool, guest house, and all for less than $100,000. Now as you all laugh, I have found that very specific combination several times, but there was always just that little something that said NO! For instance, if all of the neighbors have bars on their windows... that's a bad neighborhood. Or, if the neighbors have all parked their cars up in the front lawn, I think you get the picture. So, I continue to look, and look, and look..... I'm not terribly particular as to where it's located.... preferably someplace warm, but not too hot, but definately not like North Dakota where they get 10 feet of snow and it lingers until May. I spent most of my life in Missouri, where the weather changes...often..., but it seems lately that the winters get colder and the summers, hotter, and my body, older.... I'm not really fond of the "ranch" styled homes, but the "all on one level" floorplan has it's appeal. So the search continues.
I had to visit a cardiologist on Wednesday. He scheduled a stress test for me on the 31st. The last time I did a stress test was right before my colon cancer surgery and it was not pleasant. I had to walk on a treadmill while they increased the incline and resistance. This time the doctor said we will do the test pharmacologically, meaning they will use drugs to simulate the stress. If this test doesn't show anything, he said he would schedule an angioplasty, meaning they will insert a camera into either a vein or artery, and peek at what's inside.
Well, since dad has had a heart attack, and his dad had heart problems, and mom's dad died from a heart attack, and her mom a stroke, it's in the family tree that my brother and I will probably have heart problems. It doesn't help that we are both overweight, and probably eat things other than sticks and skim milk.
It seems that lunch is calling my name, so until next time......
Friday, August 12, 2011
The Weekend's Here.... Hooray ?
When I was younger and used to work in retail, the weekends were always the busiest days, so, almost everyone worked them. I used to say, that there was nothing that I could do on the weekend that couldn't be done during the week... so it didn't matter to me so much.
Then one time at a large discount store that Sam Walton founded, but shall remain nameless, I was asked to work the weekend because another employee needed off to be with his kids, but wanted to work Sunday because he got time and a half.... And, I was like, OK which is it, he wants to be off to enjoy his kids, or he wants to work to make extra money? So because I'm stuck in the X-tremely Conservative BUTTCRACK of Nowhere, I bit my lip and played nice. I mentioned it to my boss's supervisor, and they didn't think there was anything wrong with it. Obviously a dead end street!
Now, I piddle around the house doing dishes and laundry during the week, and Steve usually has some project planned for the weekends. So we are busier around the house on the weekends than we are during the week. It's to the point that I hate to see the weekend come.
Tomorrow, he will cut the grass, and then probably bar-b-que, while I will do the dishes, and hopefully get some things put away in the china cabinets, and laundry. Hopefully being the "key"word, and I can't wait for the week to get here......
Then one time at a large discount store that Sam Walton founded, but shall remain nameless, I was asked to work the weekend because another employee needed off to be with his kids, but wanted to work Sunday because he got time and a half.... And, I was like, OK which is it, he wants to be off to enjoy his kids, or he wants to work to make extra money? So because I'm stuck in the X-tremely Conservative BUTTCRACK of Nowhere, I bit my lip and played nice. I mentioned it to my boss's supervisor, and they didn't think there was anything wrong with it. Obviously a dead end street!
Now, I piddle around the house doing dishes and laundry during the week, and Steve usually has some project planned for the weekends. So we are busier around the house on the weekends than we are during the week. It's to the point that I hate to see the weekend come.
Tomorrow, he will cut the grass, and then probably bar-b-que, while I will do the dishes, and hopefully get some things put away in the china cabinets, and laundry. Hopefully being the "key"word, and I can't wait for the week to get here......
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Caution vs Laziness
Last Tuesday I was supposed to have my tonsils and uvula removed. I took all the time to go in, get the blood work done, fill out all of the forms, get Steve to take the day off from work, and fast... you know all of that fun stuff.... and after getting me there, they were unable to get my blood pressure low enough to do the surgeries. So sent me home, sicker than a dog. They gave me copies of the EKGs and told me to take them to my family doctor and have her get me in to see a cardiologist. Well, all of last week was in the 100 degree range outside, and rather than risk getting myself sicker, I exercised caution and stayed indoors. Here it is Thursday of this week, and I still haven't managed to get out of the house. I have no excuse other than laziness, although in my defense, money is really tight right now, and I've been hanging around the house in case the electric man comes to shut off the electricity, that I could somehow persuade him to leave it on. If you're not home and they come, they just shut it off, and then you have to pay the whole bill, and a deposit before they will turn you back on. Also I've been conserving on the gasoline that I use.
For many of you out there that actually know me, you are probably thinking how in the hell did you get so far behind? Well, I get less than $1000/month of which a third goes to the car payment, a third goes to the house payment, and a third should go to the electricy, however the budget should also include the telephone, water/sewer, trash collection, insurance, gasoline, food, medicine, doctor bills, clothing, and I'm probably forgetting something but you get the point. There is simply not enough to go 'round.
Here in Jefferson City, the electric and (natural) gas are tied together in the same bill, so the heating and cooling bill runs about $330/month all year long. The water and sewer are only about $40/month, and the trash collection is mandatory in the city limits runs about $46 every 3 months. Now because of my health issues, I have to keep a telephone. Here, they bundle the telephone, cell phone, cable, and internet all on the same bill. After mom's passing I had the cable shut off, and I can no longer afford the cell phone, so it's gone, too. I tried to keep the cell and get rid of the landline, but they would not let me. As far as the internet goes, it only accounts for about $25/month of my telephone bill, and it is basically my only entertainment, so I guess it justifies itself as my one guilty pleasure. That was probably more information that anybody out there wants to know, but I needed to get it off my chest.
Some say I could get rid of the car, but some of my doctors are in Columbia, 1/2 hour away, and my primary family doctor is in Holt Summit, 15 minutes away, so there's 2 places that the bus doesn't go. Plus what family I have left is either in St. Louis, 2 hours away, or in Austin, TX, 13 hours away. Also I hate feeling like I can't get out and go, if I should need to.
Last September, Mom and Steve and I decided that we should get newer, more reliable cars because winter was coming and the ones we had weren't up to snuff. So we bought a used Prius, and an FJ Cruiser (Toyota's jeep) to get us through the snow and ice. They cost almost $900/month not to mention the insurance. I had to trade them in for a Buick Lucerne ($340/month), to cut another corner. Before anybody gives me grief over the Buick, it was one of the only things on the lot of the place that bought the other 2 cars. When you are handicapped, you begin to look for cars that are easiest to get in and out of, and the seat is cushy enough when you had your backside operated on....
I've also got 3 cats and a dog, that have to be fed, and see the vet and stuff like that. Thank Goodness they are inside so there aren't too many reasons to have to visit the vet other than check-ups.
One of my biggest expenses lately is Wal-Mart. It seems I cannot leave the store without giving them $100-or more! The price of food has REALLY went up lately, and I'm in the middle of the country where a lot of it is produced! It has been suggested that I start couponing, and I used to do that regularly. For some reason, I just can't seem to get interested in it again... and I know I should, for God's sake it like free money. I guess I can chalk it up to Laziness, too.
For many of you out there that actually know me, you are probably thinking how in the hell did you get so far behind? Well, I get less than $1000/month of which a third goes to the car payment, a third goes to the house payment, and a third should go to the electricy, however the budget should also include the telephone, water/sewer, trash collection, insurance, gasoline, food, medicine, doctor bills, clothing, and I'm probably forgetting something but you get the point. There is simply not enough to go 'round.
Here in Jefferson City, the electric and (natural) gas are tied together in the same bill, so the heating and cooling bill runs about $330/month all year long. The water and sewer are only about $40/month, and the trash collection is mandatory in the city limits runs about $46 every 3 months. Now because of my health issues, I have to keep a telephone. Here, they bundle the telephone, cell phone, cable, and internet all on the same bill. After mom's passing I had the cable shut off, and I can no longer afford the cell phone, so it's gone, too. I tried to keep the cell and get rid of the landline, but they would not let me. As far as the internet goes, it only accounts for about $25/month of my telephone bill, and it is basically my only entertainment, so I guess it justifies itself as my one guilty pleasure. That was probably more information that anybody out there wants to know, but I needed to get it off my chest.
Some say I could get rid of the car, but some of my doctors are in Columbia, 1/2 hour away, and my primary family doctor is in Holt Summit, 15 minutes away, so there's 2 places that the bus doesn't go. Plus what family I have left is either in St. Louis, 2 hours away, or in Austin, TX, 13 hours away. Also I hate feeling like I can't get out and go, if I should need to.
Last September, Mom and Steve and I decided that we should get newer, more reliable cars because winter was coming and the ones we had weren't up to snuff. So we bought a used Prius, and an FJ Cruiser (Toyota's jeep) to get us through the snow and ice. They cost almost $900/month not to mention the insurance. I had to trade them in for a Buick Lucerne ($340/month), to cut another corner. Before anybody gives me grief over the Buick, it was one of the only things on the lot of the place that bought the other 2 cars. When you are handicapped, you begin to look for cars that are easiest to get in and out of, and the seat is cushy enough when you had your backside operated on....
I've also got 3 cats and a dog, that have to be fed, and see the vet and stuff like that. Thank Goodness they are inside so there aren't too many reasons to have to visit the vet other than check-ups.
One of my biggest expenses lately is Wal-Mart. It seems I cannot leave the store without giving them $100-or more! The price of food has REALLY went up lately, and I'm in the middle of the country where a lot of it is produced! It has been suggested that I start couponing, and I used to do that regularly. For some reason, I just can't seem to get interested in it again... and I know I should, for God's sake it like free money. I guess I can chalk it up to Laziness, too.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
The Perfect Spouse !?!
Most of us over the age of 40 have been brought up in the traditional sense of a family. One mom (female), one dad (male), assorted siblings, pets, grandparents, etc. So, in today's world where we have one parent families, and same sex two parent families, and children who are products of divorce whose parents are re-married, sometimes more than once, why is it so difficult for some people to accept same sex marriage? Why does anyone think it is ok to delegate who loves whom.
We've all heard the argument that Same-Sex Marriage will destroy traditional different sex marriages. And, I don't buy that.... to me that is saying that to those already married are going to dissolve their marriages because they are secretly gay and suddenly want to marry someone of their own gender? If that's not what that statement is proposing, someone please enlighten me.... Otherwise, that statement makes no sense.
As you may have read yesterday, I've been through colon cancer, and through the process of surviving it, I lost one of my most precious "assets".... I have a colostomy. So, as a gay man, I am limited in what I can offer to a relationship. To be honest I've lost a lot of tears and sleep over this fact. For those of you out there (in the straight world) that can't quite get a grip on that... Imagine you or your spouses vagina getting sewn closed and never being able to enjoy that part of your body again. Sorry if that was blunt, and I know there was probably a giggle or two out there....you get the point.
Anyway, all through my ordeal, I've felt alone. My mom was sick in the hospital in Columbia when I was diagnosed, besides that, also going through her fight with dialysis. My dad lives 2 hours away in St. Louis, my brother is 13 hours away in Texas, all of my grandparents are gone, so that left my partner, Steve. He is truly angel sent from God. The night I went to the hospital, I was so scared, and he sat with me all through the night, in what was later known to me as one of the most uncomfortable chairs ever designed... After my first round of chemo, 5 weeks on a constant delivery pump, we began the daily routine of radiation. Since they were zapping me in my most precious "zones", I have also been rendered sterile. And, even though children were not in my immediate plans, at least it was an option. I know, I know.... some people would look at that as a blessing, but I look at it as just one more of life's choices that have been snatched away from me.
So, as any of you that have survived cancer, you know that I still had more chemo to do.... 5 months worth, only this time it was the kind where I had to go into an infusion center, and they shot a syringe full of something called 5FU into my powerport, every day for the first week of each month. I'd be sicker than a dog for the second week of each month. Everyone promised, "Oh, you are going to lose so much weight!", for me....the opposite effect. I had to eat to curtail the nausea, so I gained 50 pounds.
Through all of that, my Steve pushed me in a wheelchair to this test and that, and sat with me while I drank gallons of "crap" for those cat scans, and held me why I cried from the pain of the chemo, and changed my "sh*t bag" because I could barely stand...If that ain't love, what is? He also took care of my mama while I was too sick to. Does he sound like the perfect spouse? Try mentioning Iowa and check out his reaction......
We've all heard the argument that Same-Sex Marriage will destroy traditional different sex marriages. And, I don't buy that.... to me that is saying that to those already married are going to dissolve their marriages because they are secretly gay and suddenly want to marry someone of their own gender? If that's not what that statement is proposing, someone please enlighten me.... Otherwise, that statement makes no sense.
As you may have read yesterday, I've been through colon cancer, and through the process of surviving it, I lost one of my most precious "assets".... I have a colostomy. So, as a gay man, I am limited in what I can offer to a relationship. To be honest I've lost a lot of tears and sleep over this fact. For those of you out there (in the straight world) that can't quite get a grip on that... Imagine you or your spouses vagina getting sewn closed and never being able to enjoy that part of your body again. Sorry if that was blunt, and I know there was probably a giggle or two out there....you get the point.
Anyway, all through my ordeal, I've felt alone. My mom was sick in the hospital in Columbia when I was diagnosed, besides that, also going through her fight with dialysis. My dad lives 2 hours away in St. Louis, my brother is 13 hours away in Texas, all of my grandparents are gone, so that left my partner, Steve. He is truly angel sent from God. The night I went to the hospital, I was so scared, and he sat with me all through the night, in what was later known to me as one of the most uncomfortable chairs ever designed... After my first round of chemo, 5 weeks on a constant delivery pump, we began the daily routine of radiation. Since they were zapping me in my most precious "zones", I have also been rendered sterile. And, even though children were not in my immediate plans, at least it was an option. I know, I know.... some people would look at that as a blessing, but I look at it as just one more of life's choices that have been snatched away from me.
So, as any of you that have survived cancer, you know that I still had more chemo to do.... 5 months worth, only this time it was the kind where I had to go into an infusion center, and they shot a syringe full of something called 5FU into my powerport, every day for the first week of each month. I'd be sicker than a dog for the second week of each month. Everyone promised, "Oh, you are going to lose so much weight!", for me....the opposite effect. I had to eat to curtail the nausea, so I gained 50 pounds.
Through all of that, my Steve pushed me in a wheelchair to this test and that, and sat with me while I drank gallons of "crap" for those cat scans, and held me why I cried from the pain of the chemo, and changed my "sh*t bag" because I could barely stand...If that ain't love, what is? He also took care of my mama while I was too sick to. Does he sound like the perfect spouse? Try mentioning Iowa and check out his reaction......
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
In Paradise?
My "40's" hit me like the proverbial "ton of bricks". My eyesight has begun to get blurry, I'm overweight, had colon cancer...radiation...chemo, now have diabetes, psoriasis, and high blood pressure, but more importantly, I recently lost mom. She had me when she was 19 years old, so we kinda grew up together.
You'll have to forgive my writing style, as I kinda write like I talk. Jump subjects, sometimes in mid-thought, but try (hopefully) to get my point across. Since this is my first attempt at blogging I'm sure it won't interest many people, but I will try to stick with it in hopes of helping just one other person.
Do you all remember as kids our elders always said, "these are the best days of your life," and how full of sh*t we all thought they were? Well, now, I kinda understand where they were coming from. Do you?
All we had to do was to get up, go to school, go out and play. My brother and I would run home from the bus stop to watch Speed Racer, and Ultraman or Johnny Socko and his Flying Robot, then homework (if any), and go out and play until called in for supper. Our best friends were Craig, Brian, and Eric, 3 brothers that lived 2 blocks away, and if we weren't home, we were probably over there.
Anyway, my mom had kidney disease since 1999, and I had been her main caregiver ever since, and now that she's gone, I'm rather lost. Hopefully, this blog will be an outlet where I can find some peace of mind, and if any of you are in similar places in your lives, we can comiserate. I welcome any and all comments, just please keep it civil, and as long as you respect my 1st amendment rights, I'll do the same for you. Thanks for tuning in, and we'll talk soon.
You'll have to forgive my writing style, as I kinda write like I talk. Jump subjects, sometimes in mid-thought, but try (hopefully) to get my point across. Since this is my first attempt at blogging I'm sure it won't interest many people, but I will try to stick with it in hopes of helping just one other person.
Do you all remember as kids our elders always said, "these are the best days of your life," and how full of sh*t we all thought they were? Well, now, I kinda understand where they were coming from. Do you?
All we had to do was to get up, go to school, go out and play. My brother and I would run home from the bus stop to watch Speed Racer, and Ultraman or Johnny Socko and his Flying Robot, then homework (if any), and go out and play until called in for supper. Our best friends were Craig, Brian, and Eric, 3 brothers that lived 2 blocks away, and if we weren't home, we were probably over there.
Anyway, my mom had kidney disease since 1999, and I had been her main caregiver ever since, and now that she's gone, I'm rather lost. Hopefully, this blog will be an outlet where I can find some peace of mind, and if any of you are in similar places in your lives, we can comiserate. I welcome any and all comments, just please keep it civil, and as long as you respect my 1st amendment rights, I'll do the same for you. Thanks for tuning in, and we'll talk soon.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)